Blog post no. 24: I‘m a tiger. Unhesitantly I wait until it’s the time.
The slow flow of Beninese village has lulled me into a state of relaxed awareness. I do so little every day. It’s ridiculous. Mostly I eat, sleep, read a book or listen to music under a shadow or stop by at one of the little shacks to grab a bite or a drink. Have a drum lesson or a nice chat. I’m like a tiger, pacing myself for the quick, focused, laser sharp attack once the time is right. Until then, I’ll just take it easy.
It took me two weeks to shed off the idea of just getting a lot of stuff done. That I come to Africa — BOOM — and start writing songs like a robot, feeling a nice variety of clear, deep, honest, big emotions from a conveyor belt and just squeeze the songs out one by one. Well of course it doesn’t go like that. Not even in an artist residence in Africa.
But after two weeks the guilt of the lack of accomplishment was gone, and beneath it I have discovered self-confidence.
I am a tiger.
Waiting.
Resting.
Listening.
Paying attention to every little hunch.
Ready.
So I changed my plans.
I’m not here to aggressively push out of me a set of finished, polished songs. There’s no need for that. Not yet. The time will come for editing and finalizing, too. It’s just not now, and not here.
Instead, I’ve shifted my focus to the intention.
Why is it necessary for me to write this?
What is it I must say?
How am I able to do that?
If it’s not here, then where would I have a better opportunity to quiet down the murmur inside my head and really hear the big, honest, difficult, painful thoughts and make some sense to them? What is scary is usually also awesome. And so is this process, too.
I’m not here to write nice pop songs.
I’m here to write something that saves somebody’s life.
Something that changes somebody’s life.
At least my life.
The energetic frame of the album has now emerged to me. Also, I have become to understand the reasons I must write about the things I am about to write. I’m not worried at all anymore, whether the hooks will be catchy or the lyrics witty and touching. Of course they will, as the energy and intention of the whole project is now becoming crystal clear.
Instead of going home with as many fully finished songs as possible I am focusing on the bits and pieces that are emerging to me through my slow, steady patience. That way the energy will stay pure.
No more half-assed, forced wannabe-hit songs. What will come, will come. And that’s going to be the best outcome possible.
I’ve been thinking, it will be interesting to see whether the focus on the purity of the intention somehow affects how the songs will be heard and received. I’m not really interested in that, but nevertheless if there ends up being a difference it’s a clear sign of how to go about these projects (or any kind of projects) in the future.
At least it has already changed the way I approach this project from now on.
And I have a feeling that though still in its early stages, this is going to be something incredible. Something I will still talk about when I’m over 80.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
I’m an artist working on my album to be released later in 2018. These blog posts will be used as building blocks for a book about creativity once the album is done.
Listen to my music, and come say hello on any of my social media channels (FB,IG, TW). Also, don’t hesitate to send me an email at annimusicinfo (at) gmail (dot) com. Thanks. xo
