Blog post no. 33: When you get used to doing something hard, easy becomes really easy.
In the late summer of 2017 in sat down by the waterfront outside my studio.
I felt stuck.
I was too old.
I was too late.
I had too many unfinished businesses.
I was torn between two life paths.
I felt I was not focusing on either.
I felt I was failing on both.
I had tried letting go of each one at a time while focusing on the other,
but that had felt like cutting one of my arms off.
You’re not really functional that way, are you.
I was trying so hard to be something,
to make things work out,
so I ended up feeling like I was nothing.
I was losing a war on two fronts,
when I had prepared for a successful alliance.
I was distracted, because I was so scared I wasn’t finding what I was supposed to be. Even though I had devoted my whole life on learning everything about those very things. But in reality, I had started running after everything, anything that like an oasis in the distance would promise me that this is it. Here is your place of flow and ease.
So there I sat.
Inhaled.
Exhaled.
Quietly accepted that I hadn’t chosen this combination of passions.
They had chosen me.
Slowly the knowledge sank into me.
That instead of a curse, it was a blessing.
And in that moment of clarity, it did an honest inventory of my life.
I understood there were two things that I had to go through and wrap up. That there were these two things that were mandatory to do, create, finish and let go of, in order to anything else really make sense. So just like the way I had embarked on my journey to become Sunrise Princess Warrior, I thought it would be another 10–12 months project. What I didn’t know was that the level of difficulty increases as you ask for new (or old, unfinished) challenges. The better you get, the tougher it gets. New levels bring new demons. Now the clock is ticking on the month 30-something. But that’s okay. The most important thing is I haven’t faltered though I have floundered.
My last post was over a year ago.
But there’s a good reason.
This last year has been one of extreme wrap-ups.
It’s like I’d been clearing up the path for a smooth ride.
Some good old snow-shoveling.
Been getting all sweaty and worn-out.
Mental gym.
Training my personal border control.
But that’s good. Because when you get used to doing something hard, easy becomes really easy.
Yesterday I submitted my final essay on world politics.
So.
Now there’s only on thing left to do on that list.
You know what that means.
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I’m an artist working on my album. These blog posts will be used as building blocks for a book about creativity once the album is done.
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