Blog post no. 28: Between starting and finishing there’s the endless middle.
On the other side of the pendulum of superfeelings is the utter numbness and emptiness. Sometimes it’s just fatigue from all that feeling, sometimes it’s… I don’t actually know. But something that’s not being tired but just empty.
I guess that’s what I’m feeling right now.
Nothing.
Empty feels uncomfortable until you let it sink in.
I listen to my friends’ music and drink wine. The sun is setting.
Creative process.
A process.
How hard it is to allow myself to be in that process?
Not anymore inspired to start.
Not yet finished.
In the fucking middle.
Middlemiddlemiddlemdillemidlldmiemdl.
Like a teenager high on an energy drink flickering between excitement, giving up, boredom, extreme self-confidence, exhaustion, neglect.
Most of the process is the middle part.
1 % is the beginning.
1% is the end.
98% is the middle, with smaller beginnings and middles and endings.
And now, as I’m empty, trying to fill myself up with friends’ songs and cheap wine, I realize how lonely job this is.
That’s what this emptiness is. I am lonely.
So focused on something for almost 3 weeks in a row no wonder I’m empty. But I guess I shouldn’t try to rush into any next beginning or flood of inspiration. It’s been so intense.
So I’ll just dwell on this emptiness.
Loneliness.
Let it sink in.
Like the night falling on me.
And all of a sudden I am filled with emotion again.
With life again.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
I’m an artist working on my album to be released later in 2018 → once it’s ready. These blog posts will be used as building blocks for a book about creativity once the album is done.
Listen to my music, and come say hello on any of my social media channels (FB,IG, TW). Also, don’t hesitate to send me an email at annimusicinfo (at) gmail (dot) com. Thanks. xo
