Blog post no. 21: I am not your drain anymore.
I’ve started to feel an urge. An urge that there are things inside of me craving to come out. Like those universal creative forces had finally began to trust that my channel is open again.
I’ve left so many messages.
Waited so many moments in my workspace.
Written these blog posts.
Grasped every speeding moment when even the slightest sparkle of inspiration touched me.
Patiently waited for the right moment to return to some golden song seeds, not pushing or forcing things. (I’m still waiting, but now more confidently than before.)
I’ve thought about how it feels to write.
I’ve imagined it.
I’ve remembered it.
I’ve felt it.
I’ve allowed the little bits come through.
And now I feel the compelling urge building up inside of me, like circling water slowly rising, growing its force behind a damn.
This terrible, wonderful anticipation.
Lately, maybe due to this urge, I’ve been calling for lightness. It means a blink in the eye playfulness, effortless self-confidence, uncompromised trust in the world and people surrounding me. Fool’s hope that will make impossible possible. Not giving a shit, just for fun kind of arrogance that will make me too attractive to things for them not to manifest.
I cannot create if I’m not playful.
– This life is often too serious.
But it is serious!
– Yet you cannot take it seriously.
Oh gosh what a nightmare paradox.
With that calling for lightness I’ve come to realise its rarity. How easily people who get to be around someone how possesses that kind of effortless confidence want to exploit that. Like someone eloquently bubbly would be like that, free of hurt and emotional weight, by default. “Yeah would be nice to have that kind of confidence but I’m just having too many issues right now.” Whenever you come across someone with an effortless aura people just start pouring their dark shit all over that person. Like that shiny, happy one never had any issues. Maybe she just had the courage to let the light in. Maybe she took responsibility over her own actions that contributed to that mess. Maybe she decided enough is enough.
I am writing this, because the more I have called for this effortless self-confidence and lightness, the more it seems that people have started to pour their dark shit over me. Or maybe I have just become more aware of the power of negativity. It’s pretty interesting how difficult it is to separate myself from those who rather stay in low vibrations. I’m not good at creating boundaries. But sorry dear ones, it just doesn’t work that way. At least not anymore. That office of mine is now out of business.
I need new people around me. Shiny, happy people.
And no, I don’t say you’re not allowed to be sad/ unhappy/ tired/ depressed/ etc. All I’m saying is own your own darkness, and learn the lessons life is trying to teach you.
Tell me about your courage facing a difficult issue.
Tell me how proud of yourself you felt dealing with that stuff.
Tell me how you finally allowed yourself to feel miserable without excuses.
Tell me you will love yourself no matter what.
Own your darkness. And then lift your vibrations.
If you need me to be the drain for your darkness, I’m still happy to do it. But from a distance that doesn’t make me drown.
From now on you either lift me up to then let me lift you in turn, or you will remain in the distance. Because from now on I’m choosing lightness. I’m choosing fool’s hope that will make impossible possible. I’m choosing effortless, self-confident arrogance that will make me too attractive to things for them not to manifest.
I’m choosing lightness. You can keep your annoyances and small attitudes.
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I’m an artist working on my album to be released later in 2018. These blog posts will be used as building blocks for a book about creativity once the album is done.
Listen to my music, and come say hello on any of my social media channels (FB, IG, TW). Also, don’t hesitate to send me an email at annimusicinfo (at) gmail (dot) com. Thanks. xo
